A round up of new supperclubs

The Altenburg Kitchen

Cloakroom area and skis

Altenburg girls...

Wild mushroom risotto

Blackberry cheesecake

A box to put the money in, is trustingly placed in the hallway...

The architecture and layout of your house can be crucial in a home restaurant whereas most conventional restaurants are specifically designed to accommodate the cooking and serving of food to large numbers of people.

The Altenberg kitchen is in a ground floor flat, all on one level, with a large kitchen and plating up area, two large and elegant dining rooms and a spacious hall area for hanging up coats and welcoming guests. This Clapham home restaurant is run by two girls, Camilla and Lucy, who are so amazingly competent they scarcely broke sweat as they catered for 25 people. The apartment has a warm and cosy ski chalet feel, in fact skis are casually leant against the wall, nestling among the coats on the rack (wonder if they ever get a chance to use them in London?). It came as no surprise that the girls had worked as chalet chefs. I asked how come they had 25 matching soup bowls...

"my mum was a caterer and had stacks of them"

Aha, so it's in their background, no wonder it looks like a breeze.

The food: parmesan and chilli biscuits to snack upon followed by pumpkin soup then wild mushroom risotto for me, some sort of meat for the others, finishing with a blackberry cheesecake for dessert.

It was all very tasty, good home cooked food, a lovely addition to the South London group of supperclubs.

The Altenburg Kitchen, Clapham

£20 minimum donation

Salad Club

Quirky neighbours hang artwork on the stairs

Menu

Spiced pumpkin soup

Washing up in the bathtub

Salad Club girls: Ellie and Rosie

Unusual loo roll holder

Waitresses become singers

Main course of pork

Guest getting comfortable...shoes off

A Caribbean Dessert

A popular supperclub in South London is run by two girls who go under the name of Salad Club. On the 3rd floor of a Brixton council flat on Electric Avenue, you are served by extremely pretty waitresses in flowery tea dresses, who later, formed part of a group and sang.

This evening's menu, on the weekend of the Notting Hill Carnival, was inspired by the Carribbean.

I started with a delicious soup, spiced pumpkin and good bread bought locally.

The mains: jerk pork for my companion and fish for me, with black rice, were nicely seasoned accompanied by a fennel and pecan salad which was, needless to say, very well dressed.

Dessert, a lime and coconut cheesecake possibly did not work as well texturally but was prettily decorated with flowers.

The hostesses had quite a few friends that night and so I didn't get a chance to talk to them. I realise due to space and furniture limitations that there are several tables for two, but it would be nice if table-hopping were somehow encouraged. It had the same problem as a normal restaurant in which you were not sure if you could talk to other tables.

Saladclub, Brixton

Price: £22.50

The Civet Cat Club

Sumac balls with home-made cheese

Tapioca fritters with a fantastic green chilli and coriander chutney

Guests

The open kitchen

Mr Singh's Bangras... a sikh sausage

Rice with quorn, green banana curry, salad, yoghurt

Carrot Halva with blackberry sorbet, fruit and mint

These little dolls were sewn from a drawing...

Murano glass ants

Mice heads...yes you read that right, not moose heads... more or less actual size

The Civet Cat Club in Newington Green is a new addition to an area already heavily populated with supperclubs: The Secret Ingredient and The Shed. Is there any house in Newington Green that doesn't have a supperclub?

Bravely the hosts, Tess and Daljit, cook in an open kitchen at the top of the house (it takes a while to open the door), in front of the diners.

We started with zingy balls of home-made cream cheese rolled in lemony Sumac.

Daljit has taken a family recipe from his grandfather, Mr.Harnam Singh and, with the help of Cinnamon Club chef Vivek Singh, created an Indian sausage soon to be available in major supermarkets.

Obviously as a non-meat eater I could not comment on the sausage, but it seemed to go down very well. I was given dukkah and pitta bread as a replacement which was a coincidence, as the hosts came to my supperclub back in February for the Middle-Eastern evening and I served dukkah!

The main course consisted of various authentic curries. There was a slight problem: I dislike beetroot, so did the other vegetarian (we don't all like beetroot!) so although I tried the beetroot and coconut curry, I just don't like the texture.

There was also an interesting cold curry; Moru Kachiathu mango and green banana curry with yoghurt, rice with Quorn and salad. The meat eaters had a lamb curry which they delared delicious.

The decor and style of The Civet Cat Club house is stylish, with interesting little works of art dotted about; it merits a good nose around. After all one of the main attractions of home restaurants is the thrill of voyeurism.

My only tiny quibble is I felt that most of the dishes were rather undersalted which was a shame as otherwise it was all very good. I later found out that Tess was brought up with very little salt.

Jeffrey Steingarten talks about salt in his book 'The man who are everything'. The neurosis about salt is very odd, it's totally unjustified except for the tiny proportion of the population (8%) who have a salt sensitivity. I think the no-salt message that is going out from the government and a bunch of other joyless finger waggers is wrongly directed: don't cut out salt, use good salt. Always use sea salt, it retains minerals lost in table salt. Here is a great link which explains the different kinds of salt.

My issues with the salt is possibly why dessert was for me the real standout: fantastic carrot halva with a blackcurrant sorbet. I could have eaten double the portion of the carrot halva though. It was that good.

The Civet Cat Club, Newington Green.

£30 minimum donation.

Fernandez and Leluu

Fernandez in the kitchen upstairs

Pear, pomegranate and oak leaf salad

Nice details on the table settings: tea towels as napkins...great idea, cheaper and you don't have to iron them, name tags. Uyen is a fashion designer too and you can see the little thoughtful touches everywhere...

Menu on the mirror

Fried mushrooms

The only beetroot thing I've ever liked plus a pie thingy

Risotto for me (a little bit too salty perhaps)

Uyen Luu looking a bit sweaty because...

...she had to run up and down these stairs about a million times...

Simon Fernandez' set list: the man must be a control freak: look at that timetable! You can tell he comes from I.T. My list of stuff to do is written on the back of a paper bag generally...

Table plan

Seabass and potatoes...simple but nice

Dessert, I got two as they weren't sure if I ate gelatine: a lime jelly mousse and fried bananas with chocolate.

Takeaway bags for leftovers...a proper Asian restaurant! (Good idea, saves trying to foist it on the neighbours)

Fernandez and Leluu: A Spanish/Vietnamese couple in a modern building near London Fields who have been getting good reviews. I have several friends who live on those streets (some of whom are planning an 'urban olympics' to parallel the real one in 2012), remnants of the 80s/90s Hackney squatting scene. It was like a punk Coronation Street. Uyen said she'd seen one of my friends, a guy with some mental health problems, a kind of Henry VIII figure on crack, in the street in his dressing gown.

Many of my friends gained ownership of their houses by squatting more than 12 years. Squatters, often maligned in the press, preserve buildings that would otherwise go to ruin, be torn down by councils and property developers that prefer to erect a modern building than preserve an old one.

I probably made a mistake by going for the 'Lamb Feast' night which of course, I could not eat. They made me vegetarian and fish options which was kind but probably put too much stress on the kitchen. There were long gaps between courses and the architecture of the building most certainly contributed to that. Their kitchen is upstairs from the dining area so poor Uyen must have run a mini-marathon going up and down those stairs! I said at the time "you need an extra person for front of house" and I've heard that Leluu's mum now helps out. I was there for only their second evening so I'm sure they have got things under control...

However they are the only place that has ever made me like beetroot, via a delicious dip which had the pink colour but not the awful texture of beetroot. Through the grapevine it's said that the Vietnamese nights are the ones to go for...

Fernandez and Leluu, Hackney

£30 minimum donation.

One of the things that upsets me are the reviewers that review supperclubs as if they are in a league table, as if they are in a normal restaurant. It seems to me that they are not understanding the ethos...it's not a fucking competition. Every house, every dinner is different. In fact I've never been to a home restaurant that didn't try a thousand percent to give you a great dinner... it's such a privilege to go to someone's home. It seems to me that this attitude is general nowadays: from the 'competitive dining' of 'Come Dine with me' to X-factor. It all stems from game shows on tv.

Now a whole generation is brought up on this...one radio host asked me "do people hold up cards with numbers out of ten at the end of your meals?" er no, and if they did, unless it was a joke, I'd ask them to leave.

There is room for us all, and the reason I started the supperclubfangroup on Ning is to make it easier for others to start up...

Elegant guest...

Christmas Day lunch menu

Cremant from Ten Green Bottles (better than cheap champagne)

Canapes with smoked salmon from Forman & Field

Focaccia bread shots from the Aga

Spaghetti vongole (a nod to my Italian roots and our family tradition of doing a mixed Italian/British christmas meal)

For veggies: spaghetti without the vongole, with olive oil, garlic, white wine and parsley

Salad of mozzarella and tomatoes

Saumon en croute

Veggies: Garlicky wild mushrooms

Roast Vegetables: potatoes, sweet potatoes, parsnips, onions, garlic (all from Riverford Organics)

Honeyed carrots

Might do Brussel sprouts with chestnuts

Cheese board from Neals Yard

Oat cakes

Christmas pudding with cream and brandy

Home made mini mince pies

Pavlova with passion fruit, salted caramel

Home made Candied fruit

Fruit, nuts, chocolates

I will match these with wines.

But one of the best christmas dinners I ever had was staying with an Algerian family when I lived in France. The mother made her own harissa and steamed couscous the proper way. It was delicious.

According to wegottickets.com I am the only place open for that day in their roster of events! I'm looking forward to my dining room once more becoming a living room, I'm moving a sofa back in, and as it will be quite intimate, we will eat at a large table. The telly will be on throughout the meal (that's traditional isn't it?). People should wear loose clothing or elasticated waist bands so you can slump in front of the roaring fire...

Lets hope it snows...

Hello Upstairs!

Sherry night at The Underground Restaurant.

I devised the menu around the sherries, starting from dry, moving gradually sweeter. I used only to like sweet sherries like Pedro Ximenez (PX if you want to sound knowledgeable) but working with them so intensively the last couple of weeks, I've become a fan of dry sherry too.

The Menu:

Rebujito

Tio Pepe fino sherry with 7up, ice and a wedge of lime (refreshing especially with salty tapas).

Boquerones

Olives stuffed with anchovies

Fried padron peppers with Malden salt

Pan con tomate y ajo (toasted bread rubbed with garlic, topped with chopped tomato, olive oil)

A shot glass of gazpacho soup (cold tomato, bread and sherry vinegar soup)

Apostoles

Roasted sardines with fresh mint and lemon

Red onion confit, fennel confit

Game chips or fresh made chips.

Orange and black olive salad

Matusalem

A Spanish cheese board:

Tetilla ( a breast shaped milk cheese); a rosemary hard goat cheese; Manchego; Cabrales (a piquante blue cheese)

Quince

Kilburn honeycomb

Almonds

Olive oil and aniseed biscuits, oatcakes

Pedro Ximenez

Two turron icecream

Liquorice and chocolate jelly

Blueberries

Coffee

Andrew Sinclair from Gonzales Byass seemed a little shocked to be bossed around so much by MsMarmite, but hopefully he enjoyed the experience (next time bring a gimp mask). Certainly the guests appreciated his explanations of how to enjoy sherry...from the kitchen I could hear laughter. He did seem unprepared by the quirks of a home restaurant

"Where are the sherry glasses?"

he said looking askance at the collection of mismatched glasses of varying sizes (hell I've used candle holders in the past when pushed). Continuing with the theme of organised chaos, one set of larger blokes could not fit on a bench meant for three, meaning a garden chair was brought in and, lacking a cushion, a resourceful waitress (Bziffa!) used my pillow so that the guest did not literally freeze his arse off. I only discovered this when I went to bed and went looking for my missing pillow, finding it on the chair, bum-shaped dent still intact.

The ironing board was also brought into play when plating up space ran out. You have to be inventive in this game.

Your hostess threw on a little something she found in the closet...a flamenco dress matched with a Cath Kidston apron and an enormous red flower for my hair; I was a domestic vision in polka dots.

A guest came to visit me in the kitchen and confessed she was a friend of my upstairs neighbour. Who I have never met or seen. My other neighbours are very supportive of The Underground Restaurant and I always check if it's too noisy or difficult in any way. This last neighbour is new and I was a little worried.

Turns out she reads my blog! She thoroughly enjoyed the firework display in my back garden on Guy Fawkes night(1). It's all rather Lives of Others or Rear Window isn't it? How very modern and alienated!

I confessed to her friend that I stole the neighbour's copy of Vogue. It comes in the same wrapper as Vanity Fair, which I subscribe to, and one morning, no doubt bleary-eyed, I must have opened it by mistake.

I was disappointed, thinking that they'd sent me the wrong magazine but later saw a card from Vogue sent to the new and mysterious upstairs neighbour. Anyway, dear neighbour, I still have your copy of Vogue, albeit with slightly sticky pages, you can come down and get it any time... it would be lovely to finally meet you!

Recipes:

Padron peppers:

• fry in a little olive oil till lightly browned then sprinkle with salt. One in ten is very hot...

Pan con tomate y ajo: the Spanish equivalent of bruschetta,

• you toast the bread,
• rub it with a clove of garlic then
• add some chopped ripe tomatoes
• with a little coriander, salt and lemon.
• I also add a dribble of olive oil.

Gazpacho: not very seasonal but still yummy.

• Mash up a couple of cloves of garlic, two red onions, a bunch of tomatoes, a green pepper finely in the food processor
• Add a slice or two of stale white bread.
• Season with a good sherry vinegar, salt and olive oil.
• Strain through a sieve.
• Chill
• Check seasoning before serving.
• Served on this occasion in shot glasses.

Sardines and confit:

• Clean sardines, sprinkle with torn up fresh mint and good salt.
• Cook in roasting oven of Aga or if you have a grill, put them under until skin looks crackly
• Red onion confit: julienne(slice finely in strips) red onion finely
• Season with garlic, lemon juice, salt, balsamic vinegar, butter AND olive oil
• You can also add pink peppercorns or pickled peppercorns
• Cook slowly on a low heat for several hours making sure they don't dry out. In the Aga you can leave them in the simmering oven covered with tin foil for 4-5 hours.
• Fennel confit: julienne finely enough fennel bulbs for your guests (one between 3?)
• Chop off the ends of several lemons, add them and squeeze on the juice
• Add large chunks of butter (half a pack) and cover with oil
• Season with salt and pepper
• Cook very slowly for several hours, covering with tin foil if it looks like it might dry out

Game Chips or crisps:

• Slice potatoes very thinly (easier in a food processor)
• I fried them in a deep fryer till white in colour
• Take them out, rest on kitchen paper, sprinkle with good salt
• After they have rested at least 15 minutes, fry them again till golden
• I can think of lots of different seasonings...but salt and pepper is always a winner

This dish reminds me of the best crisps I ever had...from a street stall in Madrid...

Turron Icecream:

• I used two types of 'turron' or 'nougat' (which you can pronounce as 'nougah' or like my dad 'nugget' depending on how classy you want to appear). Turron from Jijona is soft and fudgy; turron from Alicante is covered in rice paper (still get a childish thrill from the idea of paper you can eat), hard and full of nuts.
• Melt the packet of Jijona turron in some sherry (I used PX). Chop the Alicante turron into small squares.
• Make a thin syrup by melting 250 grams of sugar with 50ml of water. Let it cool once melted.
• Take 6 eggs. Separate the yolks from the whites.
• Mix the syrup into the yolks, stirring.
• Whip up the whites till stiff
• Take 300ml of double cream and whip until it forms soft peaks.
• Prepare a loaf tin by buttering it (or you can use ramekins as I did but I prefer the idea of slices)
• Sprinkle some of the Alicante turron onto the bottom of the tin or ramekins.
• Gradually mix all the ingredients together, folding softly.
• But leave out half of the egg whites. Throw them away or make them into meringues or something. Oh allright you only need 3 egg whites for this recipe.
• Pour the mix into your container(s).
• Sprinkle with some more Alicante turron.
• Put it in the freezer to harden up.
• Take out of the freezer half an hour before serving so you can extract it from the mould.
• Serve drizzled with Pedro Ximenez sherry.

(1)On Guy Fawkes night, I hosted a private party for a film effects company. They mentioned they might bring a few fireworks. I was stunned when they set up a professional standard display at the end of my garden. One of them, looking like David Essex, all blue eyes and swarthy sexy gypsy roughness, had a professional arsonist's license or something. The flats next door were hanging out of their balconies cheering "more more"... Who needs Parliament Hill?

Again severe lack of pix due to blogging/mac/picasa problems... my computer is full. I can't fit anything more on it.

Fermenting change

Why did I start The Underground Restaurant?

Was it to get famous? Was it to become known as a great chef ?

Nope. In fact when I started almost a year ago, I had no idea whether anybody would even come.

You see the buzz for me, the shiver up my spine, the 'oh wow this is all worth it' moment, lies in these words: 'community', 'sharing', 'experimentation', 'dismantling boundaries'. My instrument is food, that which binds us all(sounds a bit Lord of the Rings doesn't it?). We all need to eat. Many of us love to cook.

Feeding is how mothers show their love for their families. It's how countries and communities and religions and families can identify each other. Meals are memories, are milestones in our lives; the first date, the lover that proposed, the husband that did not return for dinner (in retrospect the first signs of divorce), the tentative feeding of your baby, the family discussions and rows around the table as the children grow up. Sunday lunch, one of the few remaining meals requiring mandatory attendance for family members, is where you might bring a prospective mate to meet the relatives. When I travel, new tastes and smells are intrinsic in recalling that country. (It's no coincidence that the most popular tourist destinations are those with the greatest cuisines: Thailand, Italy, France, I'd also include India and Japan). Food divides us too: religions are distinguished via what they will not eat or drink.

Several supperclubs imitate restaurants. You book a table for two. Nobody talks to anybody else. You have imitation restaurant food. The portions are tiny, nouvelle cuisine restaurant stylee. You aren't invited into the kitchen. The bathroom has been spruced up. All signs of slovenly family life have been tucked away. The service is formal even obsequious. The china matches, has been bought especially for the occasion.

I don't get it. This is our chance to muck about with the format. Frankly if I feel like serving a dozen starters and no pud or vice versa, well why not? Lets play. Yes, one has to give some food, it has to be some kind of chef/dinner/guest equation but let's push it around a little. 'Guests' can help out, come in the kitchen, get their own water. 'Staff' can sit down and chat. The hierarchy is horizontal. It's anarchy, but in the true sense of the word...'an' (Greek for 'without') 'archy' (a ruler). Not chaos.

Yesterday was pressure: one thing after another went wrong, triggered by the fact that I had to sling a dessert of expensive ingredients in the bin and create another. It was true 'seat of your pants' stuff, guerrilla cookery, and there were moments when I worried that I'd have to order take-out for all my guests.

I wondered why I am doing this? Why am I sacrificing my social life (I never go out from Thursday to Sunday nowadays), my living room (life is lived in my bedroom, the living parts of flat has shrunk to bedsit proportions), my mental health (my daughter says my personality totally changes every weekend, I turn into a stressed-out monster)....

But then something happened....

I'll set the scene: I'd finally pulled the dinner together, two Front of House volunteers were helping me, the kirs had been drunk, the canapes had been distributed. Suddenly from the kitchen we heard a clinking on a glass in the living room, then quiet.

Somebody was speaking seemingly to the entire room...agog, I sneaked out to have a look. A young woman was standing up, introducing herself and saying

"it's such a nice atmosphere here and I'd like to know more about the other tables so, if you like, perhaps you could say who you are, what brought you here..."

There was a little silence then one by one, people started to stand and say their names, where they came from, how they heard about The Underground Restaurant..

This display of 'show and tell' was fantastic. It was also a little weird, like an intervention or a 12 step programme entitled 'Supperclub addicts anonymous'. People were participating, contributing and using the space and the occasion in an unusual way. There was a lot of love in the room.

Maggie Spicer, one of the volunteers, came from Barcelona for the weekend. She noted that I'd bought a book 'Wild fermentation' (1) by Sandor Ellix Katz, a friend of hers. This American writer lives in a commune and is a food activist.

Sandor is HIV positive, naturally he is passionate about diet; nutrition being literally a life saver in his case.

He writes:

"Do-it-yourself is an ethic that is practiced by many different people.It is an attitude of self-empowerment and openness to learning. Do-it-yourselfers include folks who garden, cook 'from scratch', make clothes and handcrafts, build and fix things, and practice healing arts...Anarchist punk culture uses do-it-yourself, or d.i.y. as a slogan to live by. Publishing a 'zine', being in a band, dumpster diving perfectly good food, squatting, activism, and skill-share events are all manifestations of the d.i.y. attitude"

Like Sandor, I had an unusual route into food. I did not go to catering college, I did not do a 'stage' at a top restaurant, I have not worked in 'normal' restaurants at all. Of course I got the usual grounding we all receive from our mothers and grandmothers and the societal expectation that possessing mammaries and ovaries leads inevitably to being in charge of cooking dinner.

I cooked at anti-G8 camps, catering for 'barrios' of 250 activists from local ingredients and whatever 'The Anarchist Teapot' catering company got delivered. Our materials were dumpster dived; we once, needing an enormous spoon to stir a large pot, used a cricket bat instead. I cooked in Belgrade for the People's Global Action conference. Ever fed 450 hungry Serbian trade unionists, German punks and French philosophers? I have.

I cooked at Pogo, a co-operative vegan cafe in Hackney, whose principles are as strong as their customers are random. It is in Crackney after all. I cooked weekly at the appropriately acronymed R.A.G., the Radical Anthropology Group, an evening class of anthropologists who mostly discuss the moon, Stonehenge, periods and Marxist sex strikes in hunter-gatherer societies. I cooked at festivals, in fields, while the rest of the staff are high on E and K. I've cooked in squats, one of which was in a swimming pool, for donations, from ingredients found in skips. I've cooked cans of soup on my car engine, on the way to camping. I have cooked in forests, in deserts, on beaches, on fires. I pulled mussels from the freezing Antarctic sea, having backpacked to a national park in Tierra Del Fuego carrying white wine and garlic in my pockets to make moules marinières. I've dug clams at low tide to make a campfire spaghetti vongole.

I cooked for the 40th birthday of a man that had just dumped me. Heartbroken, humiliated, I made sure that there was a great spread, for him and his new girlfriend. Cooking is therapy. I've cooked from a tiny 'vis à vis' apartment in Paris, watching my neighbour trying to jump out of the window. Suicide is popular in Paris, culinary capital of the world.

I'm naturally a backstage person, as are most chefs. Quickly I learnt, after a few weeks at The Underground Restaurant, that it was essential to make my presence known front of house. Now I do an announcement at the start of every meal. It makes sense. People are in your home, they want to meet the host.

Going to somebody's house to eat and never meeting the host/chef is as strange as getting in the back of a friend's car, while they drive alone up front, feeling like a taxi driver.

It's your territory. Claim it. Share it.

This week's meal also required people to share food intimately. I'd provided one baked raw milk Vacherin cheese between two. There was an odd number of guests, so strangers would have to dip into the same cheese.

Baked Vacherin

1. Take off the lid and wrap the bottom of the wooden box in double foil.
2. Simmer a clove of garlic in some white wine. Slice thinly and put 2/3 shards into the cheese.
3. Add half a glass of white wine.
4. Bake for 15 minutes, until bubbling.

Serve with:

• small waxy potatoes like Exquisa, Charlotte or La Ratte, rolled in salt and covered with olive oil, roasted whole with skins on, for 30-40minutes in a hot oven.
• small sharp silverskin onions, cornichons, pickled peppercorns
• bread if need be
• salad with walnut oil and vinegar or lemon juice. Malden salt crumbled on at the last minute.

For starters I served seabass marinated for an hour in:

• Yuzu (a kind of Japanese citrus fruit somewhere between a mandarin and a lemon). This is rather expensive however and only available in Japanese shops.
• Ponzu, a Tamari style soy sauce
• White miso, also available from Japanese shops
• Ginger (I used pickled ginger to garnish)
• Kaffir lime (zest and juice) if available. This is the fruit tree from which lime leaves come, as used in Thai cooking.
• Chopped umeboshi plums
• Fresh limes. I used tons of the juice. I love them.

But if you can't get hold of all of this stuff, don't worry. You can 'cook' fish ceviche style with just some lime or lemon juice and add some soy sauce and ginger to make it Japanese influenced. I also made quick cucumber pickles to accompany it from a recipe in Harumi Kurihara's book 'Everyday Harumi':

• Cut off ends and roll cucumbers in salt. Leave for fifteen minutes.
• Mix 100ml soy sauce, 100ml of rice vinegar. Julienne some fresh peeled ginger.
• I added fresh torn dill too to make a Jewish/Japanese fusion pickle.
• Rinse salt off cucumbers, slice them lengthways down the centre and scoop out the seeds.
• Turn them over and bash the skins a little with a rolling pin. (Yeah I know that's weird, but just do it, don't argue).
• Slice 'em all up and put them in the mixture of soy/vinegar. Leave them for a few hours.
• Again, you can replace the rice vinegar with wine vinegar if you like.

I tried a new fishmonger this week but he delivered the fish uncleaned and whole. As I said, I haven't been to catering school and my filleting skills are rudimentary. The fish were small and I didn't want to ruin them. I tweeted about my predicament and @gary_robinson offered to come over and help out.

When Gary turned up, I was impressed. Not only was he film-star good-looking but he is currently the executive chef for 11 restaurants in a hotel group 'Shangri-la' in Abu Dhabi. It also emerged that he was chef for seven years for a very eminent royal personage. I boggled. A top chef was in my kitchen, filleting my fish! (This is not a euphemism). He wants to return to London eventually to start his own place.

"I miss this. As an executive chef you aren't hands on. I want to be filleting fish again"

he explained as I watched a virtuoso display of skill. He worked methodically, and it still took him a couple of hours to do it. It would have taken me a day. One of the things I need suppliers to understand is that as a one-woman domestic operation, I'm short of both time and fridge space. Ingredients such as fish need to be delivered as specified and close to dining time. I desperately need a bigger fridge, and would love a Smeg as it would fit nicely into my vintage style kitchen.

As for the terrible dessert disaster, it was my own damn fault. Why do I muck about with cake recipes? Bakers are different from cooks, they are self-disciplined and obey rules. I'm a recipe fiddler. So I took the wonderful Trish Deseine's chocolate fondant cake, which I've made before, and made it with white chocolate instead. I like white chocolate. I'm a kid like that.

The result was awful; sweetened congealed butter. Do I go down the shops and buy everyone a packet of chocolate buttons as dessert?

Twitter came to the rescue: @josordoni suggested lemon posset. This is easy peasy pudding 'n pie.

• 600ml of double cream
• 160g of caster sugar
• zest and juice of two lemons
• Boil cream and sugar for 5 minutes.
• Let it cool.
• Add the zest and juice.
• Whip it.
• Spoon into glasses or ramekins or jam jars or whatever.
• Leave it in the fridge for 3-5 hours.

This meant however that the vegetarians, who didn't eat fish, got three dishes; starter, main and dessert that looked identical, all vaguely pale yellow and in round containers.

Starter: ramekin of parmesan custard

Main: round vacherin cheese in a box

Dessert: ramekin of lemon posset (with almond shortbread, also roundish and pale)

So it was an off-white meal...

(1) Anything fermented is Umami. And if you were shocked by 'mother's milk' then perhaps you won't want to try my Chicha recipe, a delicious drink I frequently had in Peru, made from corn fermented with saliva...

I've got technical problems with my blog: feed is broken (says it's too big) and can't post any more pictures. If anyone can help, please contact me...

Online sommelier

Restaurants will routinely add 700% markup on a bottle of wine. Often they judge how well they are doing from how many bottles of expensive wine they sell. Some restaurants are very reasonable, even Michelin starred ones like this which charge £5 a carafe. But most restaurants make their money not from the food, but from the drink.

I'm not licensed so I've decided to get into bed with Ten Green Bottles. Not literally, more's the pity (a couple of handsome lads actually). Ten Green Bottles are a small bespoke wine company that offers an interesting and reasonably priced wine list. They've spent years in Italy and know the small producers. (Italy has had a reputation of keeping, rather than exporting, their good wine; Ten Green Bottles is changing this by sourcing great little regional wines).Each week I will tell them my menu so guests can order and pay for their wine from Ten Green Bottles and have it delivered directly here. I've tried several of their wines and they are all gorgeous, far better than the stuff you will get in your local offie or supermarket.

You can still bring your own of course but I charge corkage nowadays. I used to get pissed off at restaurants that charged corkage.

"What it to them?" I thought "it's not costing them anything".

Now I know better. The one thing that I hate more than anything else at The Underground Restaurant is providing glasses. They break easily and are a pain to wash, dry and store. Each guest uses at least three glasses. Do the maths. That's a lot of glasses.

But you can save on corkage if you order from Ten Green Bottles...

To order bottles for a Saturday meal you will need to order by 12pm on Thursdays.

Tsunami of umami/breast is best

Visitors book

Phoebe feeding...is there anything more beautiful than a mother feeding her baby?

Phoebe's milk, Lorna's milk

Breast milk boobsicles

Stuffing mackerel

Dashi

Yuzu marinated sea bass

Gold and silver leaf in the sake

Eleanor Seabird and Gaz Twist played

Confit

That liquorice foam looks a bit dodgy doesn't it?

Do we? Don't we? Oh what the hell...

What is umami? It's the fifth taste after salt, bitter, sweet and sour, discovered in 1908 by Japanese scientist Kikunae Ikeda, who was trying to define the taste of 'dashi', a typically Japanese broth. Chemically, umami is a L-glutamate, which is why MSG (Monosodiumglutamate) makes food so moreish. Umami is a Japanese word (onomatopoeic in that it sounds like 'yummy' )and the nearest translation is probably 'savouriness'.

I realised earlier this year that almost all the food I like is umami: Marmite (naturellement), cheese, tomatoes, anchovies, seaweed, mushrooms, umeboshi plums, soy sauce, seafood, pickles, in fact anything fermented... meat is probably the only umami ingredient I don't like.

Umami also satiates and produces serotonin; in other words it makes us feel full and happy when we eat. In my research I found it particularly interesting that human breast milk is very high in umami, much higher than cow's milk or formula. I'm not a scientist but this leads me to believe that umami is somehow necessary for human development. Clearly breast milk had to go on the menu, but who would donate?

I registered for mumsnet and put up an ad. It was taken down within seconds. I asked around for months. One lady agreed but her boyfriend objected. Finally a saviour: Petra Chocstar's cousins, Lorna and Phoebe, had recently given birth and even better, were willing to donate!

It's a controversial ingredient. Most people's reactions both in real life and on Twitter, ranged from 'ew' to 'no to breast milk. It feels quite wrong to me... cannibalistic even..' to the extreme 'I'm going to open an underground restaurant and serve a cum sandwich.See how you like that' and even further 'I don't care if it cures cancer and promotes world peace! It's effing BREAST MILK!! That's disgusting!'. (Thank you Chris Pople).

While it's perfectly acceptable to exploit the milk meant for calves, in the process separating mother and child, apparently it sparks outrage when donated by an animal that can give consent, the human female. The aversion might be centred around that it reminds us that we are, in fact, animals. When I was breastfeeding, especially having to 'express' milk from a pumping machine, I did feel like a cow. It brought home to me that society's sexualisation of breasts meant that we'd forgotten the basic function of them...to feed our young.

Vegans are very pro-breast milk: PETA, the animal rights activists suggested that Ben & Jerry's icecream use human milk rather than cow. Not so weird actually, for there is an icecream company that does precisely that. Breast milk recipes can be found at this link, the aptly named site Land of Milk and Honey.

On Twitter I discovered up and coming culinary star Signe Skaimsgard Johansen (@scandilicious). She too is an umami buff and agreed to help me devise and cook a menu for a special Underground Umami night. Signe was a stagière at The Fat Duck lab, has trained in Japan and at Leith's cookery school. An academic, specialising in fermented foods such as bread and cheese, Signe has contributed recipes to The Bumper book of Marmite, The Ultimate Student cookbook (soon to be reviewed) and will be teaching at the newly set up School of Artisan Food in Nottinghamshire.

Wakana of Akashi Tai came to help out with front of house plus provide free sake tastings for my guests. In the kitchen Wakana suggested a private tasting with some aged sake (2002) which matched impressively with the cheese board. Sake is not in itself umami but, paired with certain flavours you achieve 'umami convergence' a food boffin's term for bloody delicious.

Signe and I decided to add gold and silver flakes (courtesy of @spoon hq) from Laura Santini's Easy Tasty Magic clever food range to add sparkle to the sake. We also used her Taste No5 Umami paste (and funnily enough I was wearing Chanel No5) to up the umami quotient in the mackerel stuffing.

The menu:

Complimentary Kir royale

A shot of dashi, a shot of Akashi Tai sake flecked with gold and silver, a taster of yuzu, white miso, umeboshi plum, kaffir lime and ponzu marinated sea bass with pickled ginger

Parmesan custard with wild mushrooms on sourdough toast

Roasted mackerel stuffed with sun-blushed tomatoes, Laura Santini's Taste No5 umami paste, parsley and thyme served with a confit of fennel, celeriac, lemon and capers

Cheese plate from Neal's Yard: Colston Basset stilton, Stawley goat cheese and Gorwydd caerphilly, orange blossom honey, chilli jam from Italy, almonds and oat cakes.

Chocolate fizz pop icecream served in cinnamon and cardamom cones with Marmite butter caramel and liquorice air

Mother's milk

Coffee

Marmarati goodie bags

One of the great things about collaborating with others is you pick up tips. As we prepped and cooked through the day on Saturday, Signe shared both old wives' tales from her Scandinavian background and professional knowledge. After removing the mackerel bones with tweezers, she suggested using cheap vinegar to remove the fish smell from our hands and chopping surfaces.

I prefer to use wooden chopping boards rather than nylon. Wood is a natural disinfectant and heals itself from cuts. Sig told me a trick: especially on wood used for meat, sprinkle a thick layer of salt on the boards, leave overnight and discard the salt in the morning. This thoroughly disinfects the wood and prevents it from buckling from moisture.

Fizz Wiz in the icecream

The standout dish for me was the ceviche style yuzu-marinated seabass, a classic Japanese dish to which I added both fresh Kaffir lime and ordinary lime. This is definitely going on the menu for future dates. I adore ceviche, ate it all the time at street stalls in Peru (where it was paired with sweet potato) and this Japanese take on it hit all the right taste receptors.

As for the breast milk, I decided to keep it simple as I only had enough for a mouthful for each of my guests. I froze it in little breast shaped chocolate moulds with a goji berry representing a nipple. The guests were remarkably open-minded, all but two ate theirs. How did it taste? Subtly sweet...

Trademarking the underground

Trademarking the underground

Friday I got a letter from lawyers for Transport for London. In 2008 they trademarked the word 'underground'. To trademark something you pay £250 to the Patents office and an extra £50 for each category or section, ranging from cartoons and cassette players to jewellery, from jokebooks, parasols, christmas crackers and magnets to transportation of persons, animals, goods, valuables by air, sea, rail, underground rail ect. London Underground have trademarked everything in sight, including Section 43 which covers cafe, bar, restaurant, catering services. As far as I know they don't use the catering category. If they fail to use it within five years I can make an application.
The letter spelled out that their client was anxious that my use of the words 'The Underground Restaurant'

"is likely to be held to infringe the rights afforded by our client's registration"It goes on to say "According to our internet research, you are using the mark The Underground Restaurant in relation to a restaurant operated from your home. Whilst it is appreciated that you are using the word 'underground' to convey a sense of secrecy, rather than the London Underground rail system, nevertheless our client is concerned that confusion could arise. ...Client is also concerned that your use of The Underground Restaurant trade mark could be detrimental to our client's brand. Clearly our client does not want such associations with its brand."

Twitter responded, firstly in amazement (especially coming so soon after the Harry Notter debacle) and secondly with scorn and amusement.
twitawitch @MsMarmitelover That's ridiculous. They going to sue Mike Batt for saying the word Undergound in the Wombles song too?
EssexEating @MsMarmitelover thats kind of thin....... How can they have a claim on the word 'underground'?
montimer @msmarmitelover you're kidding
joannasb @MsMarmitelover Really? Do they have a trademark on the word "underground"
jerrybarnett @MsMarmitelover No way... they can't enforce the use of a generic word... I'm pretty sure but not a lawyer
rhodri @MsMarmitelover That's ludicrous. You could rename it with a small "u" for underground, perhaps. They can't stop that, surely.
chrispople @MsMarmitelover @londoneating @oliverthring Do they also have a claim on the word 'London'? Idiots
WHampstead @MsMarmitelover surely they don't have a leg to stand on there? You can't trademark common words, and you're not using their logo.
paulscooking@MsMarmitelover Please do not use the word Oyster on your menu's neither :) joking aside that's terrible
chrispople @MsMarmitelover You should reply that as your restaurant is friendly, value for money and comfortable the similarities are minimal
aforkful@MsMarmitelover that's ridiculous. Have they registered 'The Underground' as a trade mark? Can there be any poss confusion betw u? Unlikely
jerrybarnett@MsMarmitelover I'm thinking of suing you for using my middle name - Lover
handlewithcare @MsMarmitelover Ask them if you serve very late, strike for days for no reason,and charge extortionate amounts, if they'll endorse you?
MaisonCupcake @MsMarmitelover That's crazy. We have Oasis the shop, the band, the drink co-existing. What's the difference?
indiaknight@MsMarmitelover Mad. Make a big fuss.
londoneating@MsMarmitelover - Wonder if they have problems with the Underground Cookery School or LSE's Underground bar? Ridiculous.
essexgourmet@MsMarmitelover Jeez - read that wrong. Have a word with Oli from London Underground Comics : http://londonundergroundcom...
(I did and he hadn't had any problem with them...)
LadybirdFi@MsMarmitelover You should write a book about all of this : What you didn't know about Harry Potter's food.
dasilvajums@MsMarmitelover did they complain at Jamiroquai with his Deeper Underground?? what piffle
al_robertson@MsMarmitelover Hmm, seems mischievous to me; surely there's no risk of passing off / confusion?
mcbazza@MsMarmitelover if Apple/Apple Corps can co-exist, can't you+LU? Obviously, you'd have to agree to not run (2nd rate) mass transit network.

dasilvajums@MsMarmitelover you could point out you work weekends which the Underground most definitely does not. See, no similarity at all.
MaisonCupcake@MsMarmitelover they could object to using a variation of their "roundel", but no claim on "underground" in sense of secret or nonmainstream agaqueen@MsMarmitelover dig in and think of the Underground Resistance Fighters..........
agaqueen@MsMarmitelover Henry's just suggested that London Underground sues You Tube for hijacking "tube".........!!
MsMarmitelover @damnyoudex What would Joan Collins do in this situation?!
damnyoudex@MsMarmitelover she would sit back with a glass of champagne& laugh at them. 'Fools!' she would shout.' whilst dex massages her feet'.
KaveyF@MsMarmitelover They're just trying it on! Given that Underground is commonly used to mean hidden/ secret, it's a push for them to claim it!
sosusie: I do not get how London Underground can force the change of name of @msmarmitelover's The Underground Restaurant??? It's RIDICULOUS. aargh.
Ppparkaboy@MsMarmitelover what? For real? What confusion? Do you have an LU logo outside, barriers at the door and a long escalator to the tables?
HubUK RT @MsMarmitelover: It's getting to the point that I'm terrified to open the post.>>>> Are you sure MI5 aren't on your case? Hard to believe we_are_stardust@MsMarmitelover The only person any confusion could be detrimental to is you. I think everyone knows that!!
HubUK@MsMarmitelover They surely can't restrict the use of the word underground. Contact Boris - sure he would put pompous jobs worths in place
SimonMagusRT @MsMarmitelover: got a letter from London Undergrounds solicitors.'...http://bit.ly/2YywXr <- you're not a brand you're a fucking railway SirTerence@MsMarmitelover We'd better let them know about these people too... http://bit.ly/3KzXKc
SirTerence@MsMarmitelover and these... http://bit.ly/36Ff5v (it's all madness and they don't have an underground shoe to stand on)
Lotteduncan@MsMarmitelover No confusion as far as I can see. People have great time at yours and are miserable as hell on the London Underground!

TrishDeseine@MsMarmitelover Unbelievable. How dare they lay their petty blinkered claim to an adjective.
scandilicious@MsMarmitelover the tube is trying to shut you down? Seriously, do they have sole rights over the word "Underground"? Absurd.
SimonMagus Copyright, patents and bloody lawyers...http://bit.ly/3eioOO (for @msmarmitelover)
jamescousins:Norman Collier is suing LU over Colliers Wood too RT @MsMarmitelover Got letter from LU lawyers 'confusion could arise' http://bit.ly/2YywXr
moorjoy@MsMarmitelover maybe point out that the brand more likely to be adversely affected is yours?
DJStoney@MsMarmitelover Get Paul Weller to rename and rewrite The Jam hit 'Going Underground', it's clearly breaking trademark law
AJ_Scroxton RT @LDN & various, TFL lawyers after @MsMarmiteLover for daring to use word 'underground' > I for one often confuse meals with tube trains.
WHampstead It's the Wombles I'm worried about. They go Underground AND Overground! (@MsMarmitelover)
Red_Eyes@MsMarmitelover Tell them to get over it and/or sod off! They are trying it on. Or, rename to: "I can't believe it's not The Underground!"
mrjfirth@msmarmitelover You could go with "Subway"...
misswhiplash @MsMarmitelover It's not like you're opening up a rival subterranean tram system....
(Well funny she should say that...)
ZebuSimonRose@MsMarmiteLover When Harrods sued a Mr. Harrod in New Zealand, whole town changed name to Harrodsville. Need something to shame them to stop
ZebuSimonRose@MsMarmitelover told by London Underground to change name of Underground Restaurant. Let's sing this ditty in support http://bit.ly/AlfGx


And finally....originalfoots@MsMarmitelover The cheek of people thinking that they can hold the rights to ordinary words! Underground belongs to us, it's our word 9:54 PM Nov 19th

November: Ten Green Bottles and The Conversational

Michelle washing up, Clare the photographer roped in to help...

Guru in the shed

Tarte tatin

On Friday night Sam and Simon of TenGreenBottles, a small bespoke wine company based in Brighton provided my guests with matched wines. These guys are passionate about Italian wine having spent many years living and quaffing there. These were the wines:

Aperitif - Domaine de la Paleine - Cremant de Loire (NV) (Sparkling) Like cream soda for adults. Soft, buttery, drinkable.

Starter - Cantina del Taburno - Falanghina 2008 (White) Apart from the fact that the bottles were so tall I couldn't fit them in my fridge (do Italians have particularly deep fridges?), I loved this wine but can't remember why.

Main - San Giusto a Rentenanno - Chianti Classico 2007 (Red) This is from a very small estate, so a little on the pricey side, but it's proper stuff, not mixed from lots of different grapes. Earthy, heavy, tannin (I like!), tons of bollocks, ballsy enough to compete with rich mushroomy lasagne.

I am sometimes frustrated by the fact I have such interesting guests who I never get a chance to speak to...

My favourite was Captain H who wore a monocle and is in the Territorial Army.

"I'm a Tory and a hunter" he told me "we have nothing in common. Usually I only ever eat meat but I very much enjoyed the mushroom lasagne"

He graciously announced to one waitress that, despite the difference in class, he would consider mating with her. The word 'spanking' was used quite frequently.

Towards the end of the evening, I was standing in the hall with some departing guests when Captain H emerged out of the WC, flung open the door, the toilet seat up, steam rising, stood back and announced

"I think you will all know a gentleman has performed his ablutions here".

He enjoyed the wines and tried to start a mass singalong of 'Ten green bottles' but I was the only one to join in!

His friend Andrew of the Marines had served in Afghanistan. We talked about the situation there and the recent hoohah about Gordon Brown's letter to a grieving mother. He said that the mother was wrong, helicopters are now a priority.

It seems the Afghan war is unwinnable but Andrew feels that the British are doing the right thing by being there. However, it's ironic that on duty he found British memorabilia, a wallet, from the 2nd Aghanistan war which we also lost.

The army get very upset when local kids are killed. He recounted an incident in which a helicopter was sent to save the lives of two young village girls maimed in an attack. The army are not supposed to use their equipment to save the locals but they do.

The next day Andrew was going to march in the Lord Mayor's Parade. I'm hoping to be invited to a mess dinner, with all the extraordinary toasts they use in the navy, fantastic preparation for the Patrick O'Brian themed meal I'm making next February.

Menu:

Focaccia Bread shots

Pumpkin soup with greek yoghurt and tamari roasted pumpkin seeds

Wild mushroom lasagne with basil and cream

Rocket & watercress salad with soft herbs (tarragon, parsley, coriander)

Tarte Tatin and homemade Salted Caramel and Vanilla icecream (the second night with caramelised pecan nuts)

Coffee and After Eights

The secret of a good lasagne is not to use too much pasta...so it's not too stodgy. I included porcini from Italy, chestnut and field mushrooms for the filling.

The icecream was one of the best I've ever made, much improved texturally by the icecream attachment for my Kitchenaid mixer.

After Eights provided chocolates for the guests. I loved After Eights as a kid, slipping downstairs early in the morning to see if my parent's dinner party guests had left any in the envelopes.

As for the lady guests, some wore beautiful dresses but I forgot to photograph them.

One lady closely questioned me on the subject of taxes, alcohol, food hygiene and fire exits. I'm not sure why people do this. I expect they can't think of anything else to say but it makes me quite tense especially when I'm tired at the end. I start to wonder who they are, and what they are going to do to me. It turns out she's a fire inspector and her friend was a police woman. She said that I'm ok because it's ground floor and any smokers will smoke outside in the garden. However other supperclubs who allow smoking in upstairs flats need to be careful.

As she left I said laughingly

"lovely to have you here...what is your name so I can make sure you don't come again!"

It turns out her comments were prescient because my freeholder, with whom I have been in dispute for years due to lack of management, maintenance and accounts for the building, called the Environmental Health Officer and the Licensing officers on me. They came to visit on Tuesday (hence the tardiness of this blog posting). I passed the Environmental health inspection and became clearer on licensing objectives which I will pass to other supperclubs; free drink and people's own can be consumed, wine tastings are fine but money cannot change hands for alcohol.

Xanthe Edmunds, who is the daughter of famed Soho restaurateur Andrew Edmunds came, wearing a beautifully cut jacket from Toast.

We talked about restaurant customers. One customer found a slug in her salad and complained to Andrew Edmunds as he walked past. Her dad picked up the slug from the lettuce, slung it in his mouth and announced

"well at least you know it's fresh"

to the astonishment of the customer.

The tasting with Tengreenbottles was a triumph and we hope to do more. Sam said to me :

"I'm glad to meet someone else who swears as much as I do."

Saturday night, Michelle Newell of The Conversational hosted as well as waitressed. She'd helped the Friday night and all day Saturday too. She observed:

" I had no idea it was so much work. When I've been here as a customer, well, the food just comes out. You don't know what happens in the kitchen."

Michelle is the most stylish and neatest women I know. She even folds up J-cloths. She actually does what my mum says I should do: she moisturises her elbows.

She made beautiful menus both for the food and the conversation which was made into a graph: 'Emotional Bingo'. What emotions does food provoke in you? This sparked off all kinds of conversations between guests, leading to a gastronomically and philosophically rich evening.

Continuing the 'expert in the shed' series, we had journalist and film maker Calum Walker, a Scottish guru who can answer absolutely any question. He has a wonderfully calm and laid back demeanor, great at the emotional stuff, a good listener while making the odd judicious point. There was a slow trickle down to the shed all evening. One person spent an hour and a half in there, another declared that they had three lovers and what should they do?

A girl who works for Ed Milliband, Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change was a guest. She said she might bring him, which would be very exciting. I'd like to speak to someone in government about supperclubs.

I still struggle with portion control...getting each plate to look the same. Getting 25-30 covers out as quick as poss is hard especially when you are cooking in big pans on an Aga. I don't have much time to plate up. I'm trying to get everybody served before it goes cold, although warming plates in the simmering oven helps. Sometimes I cut it up the portions wrongly, then it looks a bit messy.

It's also difficult to work out how many guests to let in. There is always a couple of no shows. But you don't want to overbook in case everyone turns up..

More pictures to come when I've made room on my hard drive....

How to complain...

I was recently treated to a meal at a very posh restaurant with my favourite restaurant reviewer... One of the dishes wasn't very nice. Actually, the combination of flavours meant that it was inedible.

"Did Madam like her food?" asked the waiter, clearing away my uneaten dish.

"No Madam didn't" I said.

They still billed for it though.

The reviewer in question doesn't complain, she can't really, it would ruin her anonymity, a precious thing if you are doing a fair review. If you are instantly recognisable as a restaurant critic, you are going to be treated better than the general public and your review therefore has less authority as a guide.

I see things from both sides of the fence; I sometimes review restaurants and I also run a restaurant of sorts. So I always give feedback. How are they going to improve if they don't know you don't like it? I once reviewed a restaurant whose entire 'special' menu was misconceived...I found myself explaining how they could improve it rather than going home, sharpening my mouse and ripping them apart. As I said, I'm split between two worlds.

But how do you complain in a home restaurant? There you are, in somebody's home, surrounded by their personal possessions, meeting their family/partners/kids and although you are paying for the food, it seems impolite to complain. Do you raise objections about the food when you go to a dinner party at your friend's house? Unlikely.

The food critic A.A. Gill once did just that; he describes in 'Table Talk' how he sent back a dish at a dinner party:

"I said that I didn't think I could eat the stew. There was a silence you could have spread on toast....

Then the hostess said: "It is a bit disgusting isn't it? I've got some eggs..."

He said he hasn't been invited to a dinner party since.

But a home restaurant is different: to begin with people wouldn’t start a supperclub if they thought they couldn’t cook. However, people who can’t cook frequently host dinner parties. Plus, at a supperclub, you are paying.

I'd prefer it if people told me to my face, politely if possible, or sent me an email giving feedback. If it's really bad, they can ask for a refund (not all at once please!)

But you have to be fair and take everything into account: the fact that it's a fixed menu, that you are generally getting a good deal for your money and that, whereas one dish may be disappointing or not to your taste, the rest of it may well be delicious or at least adequate. You are also not only paying for the food, you are paying for the event, the theme (if there is one), the entertainment (if provided), the opportunity to socialise and to share intimately, if only for an evening, someone's home and life.

One of the things that most dismays me is when dissatisfied guests, rather than giving you feedback, just post anonymously on the Internet about how much they disliked you, your home and your food.

Is it British to be afraid to confront and complain constructively? Or is the thrill of putting you in your place in public more exciting than any fair attempt at improving what you do?

Chatting to another home restaurant hostess recently, a very good one in my opinion, she told me about a guest, who blogged that their enjoyment was spoiled because of the stress exhibited by the hosts and the 'skanky' bathroom.

This judgement was based on one evening when there was a problem with their grill and hence delays in the food. Of course, having come across this review, the supperclub hostess was very upset ...

I got the news via Google alert that a 'friend' (not anymore mate) had posted a vicious piece on me in the middle of hosting the first Harry Notter night. I felt like I'd been punched in the solar plexus and found it a struggle to continue.

Another guest wrote months later on a site how much he hated my restaurant and my cooking, describing the 12 tapas courses and cocktail for £25 as a rip-off. On the actual evening, he said nothing. Nada. Not a peep. Not even an email afterwards. Dismayed, I wrote to him, apologising for any shortcomings and offering his money back. He used this as another opportunity to have a pop at me.

You can't please all of the people all of the time...

I guess we will all have to develop a thicker skin.

But, just like me, many supperclub hosts are new to this, the constant pressure that any of your guests could be a blogger and that you are being judged.

There are times, due to fatigue or stress, when I snap at guests, for instance, last week ... I normally make an announcement 'feel free to come into the kitchen after the main course' (1) but I didn't have time.

Invited in by my parents (who were unaware of this rule) a girl came into the kitchen and tried to chat to me. I'd had two hours sleep and my brain, still having to coordinate several dishes, just couldn't cope with any more activity. (Cooking, never considered intellectual, uses an enormous amount of brain power as well as physical energy). In the end I just said

'I'm sorry, I'm just too busy'.

She probably felt rudely rebuffed and for that I apologise. But while I love the sense of dismantling the boundary between kitchen and dining room...you can walk into the kitchen whereas you can't in a conventional restaurant...but would you expect to chat to the head chef in the middle of service in a normal restaurant? You'd get short shrift if you attempted that...

It also seems unfair to judge a home restaurant or any restaurant on just one visit. My esteemed colleague, food blogger Bellaphon, only reviews after two visits, especially if the first was not so good.

I'm all for openness and democracy; in the kitchen and on the Internet. It's in equal measures wonderful that everybody is writing about their lives and what they are eating and also terrible. People now have carte blanche to exorcise every bit of stifled anger and resentment, exhibit their prejudices and grievances in public. It is so much easier to be nasty when you are anonymous. People write things on the Internet they would never have the courage to say to someone.

So, harking back to what that blogger said about stress...as a diner, do you prefer to feel like everything is coming out smoothly? Or do you want to know about how it is behind the scenes? Is the feeling of knife edge riskiness part of the appeal of an underground restaurant? Or a hindrance to your enjoyment?

And supperclub hosts, how will you feel when one of your guests, on a forum or on a blog post, complains about your voice, your taste in decor, your standards of hygiene or your food?

(1) One of the lessons I have learnt from doing this for almost a year now. Once the main course is out, you can relax, the pace slows down, you can act human again.

The Supperclub fan group

I'm very excited by how many new supperclubs are emerging in the group I created...the Supperclub fan group. We now have 358 members in just a month and there are now more than 40 supperclubs around the country.

New ones to watch include the Joginder supperclub in Tufnell park, cooking by a real Indian amma, Dine at my house in the Scottish Borders (they said 'We aren't doing fried Mars Bars", I replied "Why not? I'd travel for that!"), a fish n chip monthly supper in East London (they get up early to buy the fish, details soon) and from places as far away as Austria and Spain.

I've visited a couple in recent weeks and reviews will be up soon.

Log onto the group if you are starting one or want to know the whereabouts and menus of your local supperclub...

I'm trying to visit as many as possible, budget permitting, to include in my book...

Sole food

In a world where people living alone is on the increase, where couples divorce and single parent households soar, one of the best things about supperclubs is the mixed tables. Not all supperclubs do this, some imitate high street restaurants and you book a table...as in 'table for four' or 'table for two'.

But when you think of where you can meet other people, a conventional restaurant with separate tables is not a place that springs to mind. Even if you are in a relationship, let's face it, we've all seen those couples in restaurants looking bored shitless with each other, eating almost in silence.

I relish the freedom that a mixed table gives: the opportunity to meet other people. It's more like the pre-revolutionary (French that is) table d'hote.

So what do single people do if they want to eat out? At a conventional restaurant you have few options; in fact you are more likely to choose a cheap or chain restaurant to feel less awkward. Or you can take a large book and pretend to be engrossed in it while you scoff. This also gives off the message that you don't want to be bothered, useful for single women.

If you do have the courage to go to a good restaurant on your own, all too frequently lone diners are sat at the worst table, seated next to the toilets or serving area. Wait staff often look down their noses snootily at lone diners

"Just one?"

or

"Are you waiting for someone?"

You feel embarrassed enough without unspoken billy-no-mates or 'left on the shelf' subtext.

Then there's the service which will be either very slow, because they've forgotten about you, or ridiculously fast, for they are trying to get rid of you, turn your table, and a table of two is more profitable. However it's also true that time does pass at a slower speed when you are alone.

In a high class restaurant, treating a solitary diner badly is a mistake, after all you could be a Michelin or AA inspector.

If you walk into a restaurant on your own, order one gin and tonic (can your restaurant make a halfway decent simple cocktail?), a glass of orange juice (is it freshly squeezed or from a carton?), something from every course of the menu and drink no wine, chances are, you are an inspector. Try it, you might get better service! (Believe me, I've had it on good authority that if you do these things, the kitchen will be all abuzz...plus many restaurants have laminated photographs on their kitchen walls of all the top restaurant critics so that waiters can recognise them).

I do think it's even harder to dine alone if you are a woman and this article says that women who travel alone on business tend to eat in their room.

The site solodining.com gives two alternatives to eating alone:

• Eating at the bar. The disadvantage with this is, as a short woman, I loathe sitting on bar stools where your legs dangle child-like in the air. I like to plant my feet firmly on the ground when I eat.
• Communal tables: some conventional restaurants, notably Wagamama and Ottolenghi offer this

Chef Nuno Mendez told me that one of the elements from his supperclub that he will definitely incorporate into his forthcoming restaurant 'Viajante' is a large communal table.

Holidays are also a minefield if you are single or worse, a single parent. I've always wanted to start up some kind of single parent holiday club but the one's that exist tend to consist of rainy caravans in Britain. Single parent's not only have to pay for their children ('double' parents often get free child places) but also have to pay adult price for their kid.

Once I booked a bed and breakfast via a guidebook. When I reserved by phone I explained that I was coming with my three year old and was that ok? No problem, I was told. On arrival we were put in the tiniest bedroom, you could barely open the door, with a single bed. My child was not allowed in any of the shared rooms such as the sitting room. I left and had a panicky few hours trying to find another place to stay on a holiday weekend in Devon.

I hope that people coming alone to my restaurant will feel welcome...warn me and I will do my best to make sure you have a great time... with the other people on your table.

Linked story...

Harry Notter Nights at The Underground Restaurant

Well I'm sorry Warner Bros., but some of my guests insisted on coming dressed up as Harry Potter characters for my Generic Wizard night at The Underground Restaurant. We had a Golden Snitch, a Dementor, Professor Quirrel, and three girls with signs around their necks: 'Generic Owl', 'Generic Bertie Botts Every Flavour Jelly Beans' and 'Generic Wizard'. We even had Harry Potter himself.

The Menu was adjusted slightly; I dispensed with Cauldron cakes and made Treacle Tart, an old English recipe which features heavily in the books. Here is the final menu:

Butterbeer

Sherbet Lemons and Mint Humbugs

Pumpkin pasties

Pumpkin soup served in pumpkins

Fish pie

Roast Potatoes

Minted Peas

Treacle Tart with cream

Miraculin powder with lime and lemon sorbet

Coffee

Chocolate fizz pop frogs

Recipe for Butterbeer:

500ml Bottle of Hobgoblin ale

Swig of butterscotch Schnapps

an egg yolk

A couple of cloves

5 All Spice

60 g brown sugar

50g of unsalted butter

Heat up.

Courtesy of @m2comms on Twitter I made the Butterscotch Schnapps in the dishwasher. Break up Daim/Dime bars in a bottle of vodka, give it two cycles.

Pumpkins were everywhere...I ordered 65 small ones to eat the soup in and 5 large ones to carve up for the soup. My hand was about to fall off from the pain and I went to sleep still dreaming of cutting up pumpkins.

I scattered a certain eminent wizard's favourite sweets over the tables...

I prepared the 'perpendicular passage' with the help of my friend Bellaphon.

Guests had pumpkin pasties and drank hot butterbeer from a kettle steaming with dry ice.

Larger ladies at the door required a password...

Plating up the soup, garnishing with yoghurt and roasted pumpkin seeds. The sight of 30 pumpkins on tables in the room gave it a cartoon fairy tale feel.

Draco Malfoy

Then they ate the gorgeous fish pie cooked by food writer Catherine Phipps, my little inspiration was to add green pickled peppercorns...

Treacle tarts and cream for afters...

A spontaneous pumpkin carving competition broke out, prize for the best was a Hobgoblin Ale T-shirt.

The amazing @bluedoorbakery cooked these cupcakes for everyone on the first night...a smiley Sorting Hat, Gryffindor cakes and Bertie's Jellybean cakes...

A gorgeous Halloween print on a guest's skirt.

The piece de resistance...a spoonful of Miraculin powder from the Miracle Berry which transforms sour foods into sweet and an unsweetened lime and lemon granita...

Some of the ladies swallowed rather than savoured the Miraculin powder. It works better if you wait a couple of minutes. I asked people to taste the sourness of the granita, melt the Miraculin in their mouth, then taste it again. People were amazed by the transformation. One girl said to me that her wine tasted like sherry.

Bethea Jenner, some say she looks rather like Professor Trelawney from the books (but rather more efficient we hope) was the psychic in the shed.

My mum and dad who helped out on the first night...

Thanks to everyone who helped out especially my parents, my sister, my daughter, Catherine Phipps, Alyssia (for, amongst other things, making my bed on Saturday, probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me), Bellaphon, Blue Door Bakery, Hobgoblin beer, John Houghton at New Covent Garden, Miracle UK, Tony Carey, Angie Ma (for talking me off the ledge on Thursday), Bethea Jenner, Mary Bowman, Caroline Simpson and all my wonderful fun guests...

Making dinner, making a difference

The charity Place2Be is launching an event called 'Best Friends Dinner' in the last week of November. As the mother of a 15 year old doing her GCSE's, I know how stressful life can be for children and young people. My sister worked as a teacher in a deprived area in South London. Her pupils were often difficult to handle, even violent, but these behavioural difficulties could have been alleviated by counselling in the school. Place2Be is raising money to promote counselling in primary schools to support children's emotional well-being.

What can you do to help? Invite your friends, neighbours, family and friends of friends and host a meal from the 20th to the 29th of November... your profits will go to a good cause...and help a child with a lot on his or her plate....

More info here

This could be a great rehearsal, for a good cause, if you are thinking of launching a supperclub...

A few facts for newcomers

1) I do lots of different themes and menus: quiz night, Marmite night (where every dish contained Marmite), flower night (used edible flowers), Elvis night, Astrology night(where the meal was based on the chart of the night), Middle Eastern food night, and so on. They all sell. I didn't do a Harry Potter night to sell tickets. I have no problem selling tickets, dates up until Christmas have been sold out for sometime. I planned this night because my daughter and I are fans of the books.

2) I support JK Rowling's authorial rights. I am fully aware of the issues of people stealing other people's work. I have the same problem. My training is photography, people steal my pictures all the time. People use the information and the writing from my blog all the time. Often they don't ask. In my ignorance I hadn't even thought that Warner Bros and JK Rowling would be bothered by a cook being inspired by the books to try to recreate the dishes. They are big, I am small. However Harry Potter is now part of the culture and a part of my daughter's childhood, of this generation's childhood, it seems heavy-handed to clamp down on every use of Harry Potter.

3) The Underground Restaurant is a home restaurant and asks for tickets to be pre-paid to cover the cost of the ingredients. If people don't pre-pay, they often don't turn up and I actually lose money. I can't afford that. The dinners are my only income at the moment as it has become a full-time job. I have a child to raise.

4) I don't make alot of money from the dinners. I keep prices low. Part of the reason I started The Underground Restaurant is because I can't afford to eat out at many London restaurants, so I try to keep the price down. Each dinner takes at least four days work: shopping, ordering, prepping, cooking, the night itself, then cleaning up, laundry, ironing, start again. Then I blog it. I regularly do long hours. It's no picnic. I no longer have a living room. There are sacrifices. And of course I can't buy ingredients as cheaply as a conventional restaurant. Generally guests are well behaved and appreciative.

You get the odd hurtful comment posted anonymously on websites. It feels personal, as it is in my home. It takes a certain courage to open up your home to strangers. However when you are in the public eye, so to speak, you have to take the rough with the smooth. I have never courted publicity, I've just been myself, and if people are interested in what I do, then that's great.

5) This is a movement. I'm not the only home restaurant, although I'm one of the first. You can find out about your local supperclub here: http://supperclubfangroup.ning.com/

6) I'd like to see a culture in which home cooking is appreciated. I just went to a top hotel where the main dish cost £30. It was practically inedible, tasteless and bland. But the food was so processed, so tampered with, a gelée of this, a mousse of that, a sous-vide here, a purée there, everything served in tiny puddles with smears and droplets of sauce which you couldn't pick up with your cutlery, so I was reduced to scooping it up with my fingers ... Why do chefs think they can improve on nature?

I'd like to raise the profile of mother's cooking too, for women do most of the cooking in the world, day in, day out, as opposed to a culture of male celebrity chefs. If you were an alien landing on this planet, turned on the TV, you'd think it was men doing all the cooking.

7) I don't eat or cook meat. I do sometimes cook fish. Everything is cooked on an Aga. I do love Marmite.

8) I'm single and available. I'm a teensy bit desperate actually. Hence the terrible dates on my The English can Eat blog.

9) I'm doing Christmas Day at The Underground Restaurant and New Years Eve. I'm basically sold out until Christmas so book after that date. Unless I suddenly get a large staff and a bigger house. Christmas day should be fun. We, my daughter and I, are a tiny family so we'd like to invite paying guests to share Christmas with us, eat lovely food baked in the Aga, play games, enjoy the roaring fire. Christmas...doing it so you don't have to...

10) I've been doing this since the beginning of this year. I've always wanted a restaurant, but many restaurants go bust in the first year and I don't have any financial backers. I love to cook. I have a beautiful flat, garden and an Aga oven so why not use it and share it. A living room restaurant is also a great little business from home. Perhaps I've forged a new career path? Delving deeper into my motivation for starting The Underground Restaurant, I always wanted lots of children, a big happy family sitting around a large table, eating, arguing, laughing, drinking. A bit, dare I say it, like the Weasleys. I guess this is my way of reproducing that vision.

Generic Wizard night

I was just about to post up the menu for my Harry Potter nights at The Underground Restaurant which will take place, appropriately, on Halloween and the night before when I received the following letter from Warner brothers.

Dear Ms Marmite Lover,

I have been asked to write to you by Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc. and Warner Bros. Entertainment UK(together, "Warner").

We notice that you're planning to hold a "Harry Potter Night at the Underground Restaurant" on 30th - 31st October 2009 with a Harry Potter style menu and butterbeer (the "Harry Potter Nights") and that tickets are being sold for the Harry Potter Nights on http://www.wegottickets.com/location/2522. While we are delighted that you are such a fan of the Harry Potter series, unfortunately your proposed use of the Harry Potter Properties (as we explain below) without our consent would amount to an infringement of Warner's rights.

As you may know, Warner owns the trade mark and owns and/or controls the copyrights in and to the Harry Potter series of films based on J.K. Rowling's internationally acclaimed children's novels. Warner also owns the associated merchandising rights and has licensed to others the right to use various aspects of the Harry Potter property including the Harry Potter name, stylised logo, the names of the characters, themes, incidents and other associated indicia from the series of Harry Potter books and films (collectively, the "Harry Potter Properties") in respect of a wide variety of goods and services. In view of Warner’s ownership of these rights, no one may copy, license, exhibit, reproduce or otherwise trade on the Harry Potter Properties without the prior authorization and consent of Warner.

We would therefore ask that you refrain from holding and/or offering for sale any tickets to the Harry Potter Nights and confirm to me by return email that the Harry Potter Nights will not go ahead as planned. Warner does not, of course, object to you holding a generic wizard/Halloween night at the Underground Restaurant.

As I am sure you can appreciate, this email is not a complete statement of Warner's rights, all of which are expressly reserved.

I look forward to hearing from you and please do feel free to call should you have any questions.

Kind regards,

Legal and Business Affairs - Europe
Warner Bros. Entertainment Europe
Warner House
98 Theobald's Road, London, WC1X 8WB

I've written back, saying that I've changed the title of the event to Generic Wizard night. But I added that J.K. Rowling herself, having at one time been a struggling single parent, and having donated to the National Council of One Parent Families, would probably approve of a single mother being entrepeneurial and creative.

I announced it on Twitter:

MsMarmitelover: Just got letter from Warner bros saying can't call my halloween dinners Harry Potter nights but Generic wizard nights

MsMarmitelover:do I have to change the names of all the foods?Icantbelieveitsnotbutterbeer?

Craftilicious @MsMarmitelover if the foods are trademarked, then probably yes, but I doubt it, it will just be the name harry potter that is tm'd

StefanChomka @MsMarmitelover 'Do I have to change the name of Icantbelieveitsnotbutterbeer?' Hell yes, or expect a Unilever/WarnerBros tag-team lawsuit

headtofoot @MsMarmitelover Why not just call it Parry Hotter nights, serve hint mumbugs,semon lherbets just turn it round a bit

aaronwhitelock RT @MsMarmitelover: Woll-au-vents maybe?
MsMarmitelover @aaronwhitelock vol de vents? The canape that must not be named?
Suburbman @MsMarmitelover I'm confused. I thought it was the bad guy who was "he who must not be named"
katethebake @MsMarmitelover can you call them HARRY POTTER fan NIGHT instead? j write "fan" v. small. they can't knock their fans surely?!

MsMarmitelover Utterlybutterlybeer? Can I use the names lemon sherbets and mint humbugs please Warner bros? Not cauldron cakes, but lecreusetcakes

josordoni @MsMarmitelover and LargePot Cakes

MsMarmitelover @josordoni lol that makes it sound very interesting! Le creuset cakes is the yuppie version

and on Facebook I got these replies:

J:

so even if you bought WB merchandise to decorate your room, it can't be referred-to by the movie's title?
Beyond imagination. But then, that's WB for you.

Nicola Swift

Harry Notter!

Myself, my daughter (an HP obsessive) and food writer Catherine Phipps (qualification: used to moderate a HP forum) have been researching and developing the menu based, as accurately as possible, on food described in the books.The evening, as it stood, consisted of:

Journey through Diagon Alley...Give the password to the Fat Lady...

On Saturday night Professor Trelawney will be reading fortunes in the shrieking shed at the bottom of the garden, cross her palm with silver...

Sorting Hat to determine which house table you will sit at:

Butterbeer....

Dumbledore's favourite sweets, lemon sherbets and mint humbugs will be scattered on the tables.

To start we will have pumpkin soup accompanied by Witches hat pumpkin pasties.

It was difficult to think of main dishes that are not meat based for Harry Potter characters seem to be mostly carnivore. The only fish mentioned are pickled eels. They do eat Shepherd's pie and therefore I thought that Fish pie would be the most likely fishy equivalent. Also it contains mashed potatoes, which, along with roast potatoes, is always on the table at meals.

The main keynote is abundance; they can eat whatever they want, pluck it out of thin air.

Harry Potter characters do not eat complex exotic food. The dishes are recognisably English for the most part except a fish bouillabaise which the French ate during the international Quidditch tournament.

Minted peas and roast potatoes will accompany the fish pie.

For dessert...

Fizzpop chocolate frogs, cauldron cakes

Many Potter foods are magical, transformative. How can I reproduce that? I thought of the miracle berry, a fruit from Africa that transforms sour foods into sweet foods.

I will serve miraculin powder, an extract from the miracle berry. Guests will pour the contents of the sachets into the mouth, savouring the taste.

Accompanied by a tiny sugarless tarte au citron which will taste miraculously sweet.

Drinks available:

Goblet of fire: Schnapps with spun sugar balls £5 a glass

Butterbeer £4 a glass

Pumpkin juice £3 a glass

Dandelion wine £4 a glass

Price: £25, £20 for unemployed

Tips will be appreciated, but more than a quidditch please...

Update: Butterbeer is an old English recipe, Pumpkin pasties is a Caribbean recipe, chocolate frogs were popular before the book.

Update: The BBC, The Guardian, The Evening Standard, The Telegraph, The Observer have all written stories about this. I've even been interviewed on Australian radio where they've never heard of home restaurants!

I'm also getting to know alot more about the world of Harry Potter fans. The British one's help 'translate' the books for the Americans, explaining certain terms and the grammar'Brit picking' they call it. There are Harry Potter conferences, Harry Potter re-enacted trials, there was even an academic paper explaining why Harry Potter is "a good Jewish boy".

Update: Some very interesting comments on this link. Such as ...

Definition Of Hollywood Lawyers:

“Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them… Get too near a Dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory will be sucked out of you. If it can, the Dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself…soul-less and evil. You will be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life.”

63 Oct 26, 2009 at 18:45 by Noneya Bidness

When Barnes and Nobles was selling one of the Harry Potter books they were informed that their pre-release parties could not use the name Harry Potter or images of Harry Potter.

Publicity for the very books they wanted to sell was considered copyright infringement.

98 Oct 27, 2009 at 00:26 by Mitch

The problem for companies like Warner is that if they don’t “defend their copyright” other companies can make the claim that it has become de facto “public domain.” Thus, in order to prevent some low down snake from stealing your legitimate copyright, you have to be a low down snake yourself and stomp on little people who aren’t really doing you any damage.

What they really should do is offer a “fair use” license which acknowledges the copyright. Then everyone could be kept happy and legal, but they are too busy hissing at everyone in their best snakish manner to “defend their copyright.”

104 Oct 27, 2009 at 01:32 by Iain

There is a much better solution where everybody wins. Warner can give Ms Marmite Lover a license for a token sum ($1, for example), in exchange for her mentioning the generosity of Warner at the party or even in the press.

Ms Marmite Lover gets to have her harry potter party. Warner exercise their rights and get good publicity.

106 Oct 27, 2009 at 01:48 by Carface

She should have just ignored the letter, as it was addressed to someone who does not legally exist.

139 Oct 28, 2009 at 23:46 by Ninja

That’s real life for you. Those places are awesome, just like Ms Marmite’s initiative.

I have to agree WB is completely right there, however there are other ways to deal with it where every1 gets happy. Don’t sue, don’t threaten, tell her about the rights and add that you encourage such parties but request the permission to offer or make HP products available at the place – HP fans will probably end buying something and everybody gets money, including the money hungry WB.

Reminds me of the UK industry telling that piracy is killing the creative process or something like. Now, would that be a case where the victim becomes the killer?

WB, learn from this. Work with your costumers, not against them.